The Life and Times of Buck Willmington
by PsychedelicCowgirl
Summary: Women have always been important to Buck, particularly his first love, his mother. Story will follow Buck's life starting with his childhood.
1. Prologue

Ida Wilmington ran her hands ago the slight bump on her midsection and cursed softly. She's spent the last few weeks in denial telling herself that this wasn't possible, then she'd just done her best to ignore it as though the whole thing might simply go away, but the truth was this was real and she wouldn't be able to hid it much longer. Soon she would have to tell Rita, and that wasn't something she was looking forward to. It was bad enough when she'd had to return to town and ask Rita for her job back without having to deliver this news as well. With a grunt of frustration she jerked up her dressing grown and hid the bulge once again. How could she have been so stupid as to let this happen?

Ida wasn't new to this life, she been in business since she was seventeen and she'd never had so much as a scare about something like this. Throughout the years she'd always been a little critical of girls who found themselves in the position she was now in. After all, there were ways to keep this from happening, and she'd always prided herself on being careful. She'd always been sure she was the girl who would never find herself carrying an unwanted child and yet her she was. In a little over five months, she would be giving birth and if the situation wasn't terrible enough in and of itself, she would be giving birth to Jack Horton's child.

She knew that, as inconvenient as this was, it was the fact that Jack had done this that she hated the most. Ida wasn't some mooney eyed girl, she been doing this for nearly ten years now and she'd seen all kinds; she should have known what Jack really was. And she had, if she were completely honest with herself, she had known, she had merely ignored what her head told her because...because she loved him. That was the worst part; that was why she hadn't been careful, because just a few short months ago she wouldn't have cared that she was pregnant with Jack's baby. A few short months ago she had foolishly let herself believe the man had changed, that he would stay this time. But now, Jack was gone again and she left with this reminder of how stupid she'd been.

* * *

"I'm pregnant." Ida blurted the words out bitterly. It had barely been a week since she'd admitted her situation to herself but she knew it was no longer possible for her to hide...this. Everyday her mistake became more obvious and if she didn't confess now, Rita would likely guess on her own, and Ida didn't want that to happen.

The madam looked at her in silence for a moment before nodding. "In this business sometimes things happen." Ida scoffed. "What are you going to do about it?" Rita continued.

Ida paused. Of all the people Ida had worked for over the years, Rita was the best. She was the only one who had ever acted like she cared about the girls working for her, and although Ida had known Rita would accept the news she had taken it better than expected. In fact, she'd accepted it so well Ida wondered if Rita hadn't already suspected her condition. Not that it mattered one way or the other, because Ida didn't know what she was going to do. "I – I don't know. I suppose when the time comes, I'll find someone to take it."

"Then you don't want it?"

Ida's eyes flashed. "No! It's Jack's and..." She shook her head. "No! No, I don't."

"I understand."

Ida took a deep breath. "I'm telling you this because...because I'll be leaving today." She placed a hand on her abdomen, scowling when she felt it rise beneath her hand.

A look of surprise crossed Rita's face at the deceleration. "Leaving? If you don't want to keep it why would you leave?"

Ida sighed with disgust. "I can't work like this." She said motioning to her stomach. "I won't bed someone while I'm swollen with another man's child."

"I understand that as well, but that doesn't mean you have to leave. You can do other work around her until it's time. You won't have to see any of the costumers if you don't wish to and afterward, well, there's no reason for you to not resume taking clients."

Ida stared at the older woman. "You would be willing to do that for me? For me to stay away until this is over?"

Rita reached over and placed her hand over Ida's. "This is a difficult situation, Ida. You shouldn't have to lose your home and friends because of it. Besides, you're one of my best. Maybe it's selfish of me but I don't want to see you go."

Ida looked down and thought seriously about what her employer had said. She didn't particularly want to leave the Palace. Outside of Jack her life had been good here. "It won't be born until the spring. It will still be several months before I can work again."

"Don't worry about it. As I said, we'll work it out. Just think about yourself and get through this."

Ida's hand went back to her stomach. She still couldn't believe how stupid she'd been but maybe this wouldn't be as terrible as she'd first thought.

**A/N: Welcome to Buck's story. I'm starting on this because for some reason I'm just not happy only working on one story at a time, or maybe I just have too many ideas floating around in my head. Feel free to tell me what you think. Thanks for reading. **


	2. Buck

**A/N: I put a T rating on this story because there will be mentions of prostitution. I don't plan on anything explicate and I may be a tad paranoid but Buck's mother was a prostitute and he did grow up in a brothel so I'm playing it safe.**

Ida inhaled deeply as she felt the muscles in her stomach start to tighten again. For the moment they weren't painful, just uncomfortable. About an hour ago she had realized what the cramps she'd been feeling actually were, and although she was dreading what was to come she couldn't help but feel relived as well. She was almost done. Soon her baby would be born. No! Not her baby. She couldn't let herself think that way. Soon this horrible journey would be over. That was how she had to think. Just a little while longer and she would be done with this.

* * *

Groaning, Ida gripped Rita's hand. Would this never end? Discomfort had deserted her some time ago. It was pain now. Rita was rubbing her back, trying to provide some relief for her, and while Ida appreciated the woman's presence there wasn't any relief to be had.

"Breathe, Ida. It will be easier if you breathe." Rita said.

Ida was trying to breathe but it was something that was easier said than done. Yes, the midwife had told her to breathe through the pains but the woman had also said this was natural. As far as Ida could tell there was nothing even remotely natural about any of this. If only she could get her hands on Jack now she would kill him. Still, just a little longer and she could move on with her life. Another pain started to grow and Ida latched on to Rita's hand with a death grip. She could move on with her life if she lived that long.

* * *

A cry filled the room as Ida collapsed on the bed, panting, her legs trembling from the effort she'd just exerted. It was finally over. After these long months she could at last move past this mistake.

"It's a boy. Would you like to see you son?"

Ida warily opened her eyes at the midwife's question. Did she? All these months she had forced herself to think of the baby as an inconvenience, a mistake that she couldn't be rid of fast enough, but now... After all she just endured to bring him into the world it seemed wrong not to see him at least once. It must have been a rhetorical question however, because before she could reply the midwife brought the baby over and placed him on her chest.

Ida pushed herself up some and looked down to the baby, and her breath stopped. She'd never see anything so incredible. He was beautiful. In absolute awe Ida stroked his cheek. This was her son. No. Ida had to beat back the idea again. This wasn't her son. This was a baby she would soon send away. But even if she would give him away soon, he had come from her, it was only natural she'd feel some connection to him. Wasn't it? Rita came over and Ida looked to her. "Have you ever seen anything like this?"

"Ida," Rita said quietly. "Perhaps it would be better if you didn't hold him. It might be easier."

Easier? Ida bit her lip as understanding dawned on her. It would be easier to give him up. Maybe Rita was right. Maybe she shouldn't be doing this. For all the months she'd carried him it had never occurred to Ida that she should keep the baby, or even that she would want to, but now that he was in her arms...she never experienced anything quite like this before. The thought of simply passing him off, knowing she would never see him again, never know what his life tuned out to be; suddenly the prospect was far more difficult than she'd thought it would be. "What – what are you going to do with him?"

"Take him to the church. The minister should be able to find someone to take him. If not they can send him to the home in Topeka."

Ida felt her eyes well up. Giving him up had been the plan from the beginning, but it seemed so cold now. The midwife came back over and Ida tightened her grip on her son when the woman reached for him. "No." She gasped, her voice bordering on panic.

The midwife gave her a strange look. "He needs to be cleaned up, dear. You both do. It won't take but a moment and you can see him again as soon as I'm done."

Nodding Ida relinquished her baby, the tears escaping as she watched the midwife take him away. How would she be able stand watching Rita carry him away for good?

"Ida?"

Ida looked to Rita. "He's beautiful." She half-sobbed.

Rita glanced over to where the midwife was cleaning the baby. She must have sensed Ida's turmoil because when she turned back there was sympathy in her eyes. "It's your choice."

Ida didn't answer. She just watched as the woman finished with her baby and returned him with a smile. Ida readily took him, filling more at ease as soon as he was nestled back against her chest. Her common sense was telling her she was making a mistake by not passing him off the Rita immediately and forgetting that the past few minutes had ever happened. Quickly, she silenced the inner voice, focusing only on her son. Lightly she ran her fingers across his dark hair, chuckling when he began to fidget.

Rita watched the young woman for a moment before she spoke again. "Ida, you don't have to do it if you don't want to."

The words stopped Ida. She had to do what was best for her son, and yes, he was her son. She couldn't deny it and she no longer wanted to. But could she raise a child? She was a prostitute. What did she know about being a mother? Would she be able to provide for him and give him a good home? On the other hand, if she gave him to Rita right now, what would she sending him to? There was no guarantee he would be taken in by anyone who would love him. And if he was sent to Topeka what would happen to him? Plenty of orphans never found homes; others were simply taken in by farmers for cheap labor. She couldn't knowingly send him off to that. She wasn't the best, Ida knew that, but she would love him. Suddenly he opened his eyes fully and looked up at her, his mother. The sight of those beautiful blue eyes pierced her heart, and Ida knew what she had to do.

"Ida?" Rita gently prodded.

Ida never took her eyes off her son. She shook her head as she began stroking his cheek with her finger. "I can't. I'm sorry but I can't. I can't let him go."

* * *

Ida sighed contentedly as she set down and brought her son to her breast. It had been a little over a month since she'd given birth and she was amazed to find she was falling more in love with her son every day. Things weren't easy but she'd known when she made the decision to keep her baby things wouldn't be easy. She's known being a mother would be hard, and she'd known that her profession would undoubtedly provide unique challenges down the road, but not once had she regretted her choice. There were still times when the unpleasant thoughts of what kind of mother she would be, or doubts about being able to able to raise her son up into a decent man would come to her, but she never let herself dwell on those thoughts. She would do the best she could by him and that was all any mother could really do.

Ida felt a smile come to her face as she watched her son suckle, trying to remember her life before Buck had been a part of it. There were many things in her life Ida had no reason to be proud of, and many things she regretted, but her son wasn't one of them. In fact, her little Buck was the best _mistake_ she'd ever made. And Ida was certain that if she had known then what she knew now, he was a _mistake_ she'd gladly make all over again.

**A/N: Hope y'all are enjoying this so far. I did want to add that if anyone has any prompts, please share. I have ideas about where this id going but nothing is set in stone so if there is something you would like to see happen to Buck, let me know. As always thanks for reading and reviews make me happy so drop me one if you feel so inclined. **


	3. Trouble

Buck ran as fast as his four-year-old legs could carry him, sliding to a stop only when the wall prevented him from going farther. Jerking open the door closest to him he darted into the room, ducking down behind the first thing he saw, a high-backed chair.

"Buck!"

He winced when he heard his mother calling him and moved closer to the chair as though he might be able to disappear into its fabric. It had been an accident.

"Buck Wilmington, what are you doing in here?"

Gasping Buck jerked his head up and found Miss Rita standing over him a stern look on her face. "Ummm..." Before he could think of a good excuse his mother called out again and both he and Rita looked to the door. "Please don't tell her where I am." He pleaded when the woman turned back to him.

Rita fought back a smile and knelt in front of him. Buck had proven long ago he had a penchant for trouble and a talent for being difficult to find when he took the notion. "What offense is she hunting you for today?"

"I didn't do anything." At Rita's skeptical look Buck amended his defense. "Well, I might have spilled some of Miss Jeanie perfume.

"You might have?"

"I did."

"Because you were in the back?" Buck's shamed-face look was all the response she needed.

Besides the large barroom, the Crystal Palace had two types of rooms, the back rooms downstairs where clients were met and the girl's private rooms, which the average customer would never see. And it was a well established rule, understood by all at the Palace, that under normal circumstances Ida Wilmington's son was not to be in the back rooms. Judging by his actions now, permission had not been given. Ida's voice rang through the house again and Buck flinched.

"Please don't tell her."

Rita smiled and pushed his dark hair out of his eyes. "You know she won't be as angry if she doesn't have to look for you? And you can't hide forever."

"I didn't mean to."

"Then tell her that."

"She'll still be mad." Buck pouted.

"Buck…" Rita was cut off when the door was thrown open again and Jeanie rushed in.

"Rita, have you seen…oh." The younger woman stopped when she saw Buck on the floor.

"Are you mad?" Bucked cried, suddenly looking like he was about to burst in to tears.

Rita shook her head; it didn't matter if Jeanie had been mad before she wouldn't be able to stay that way, not with Buck having that pitiful look on his face. Ida was about the only person who could remain firm with the boy for more than five minutes.

As predicted, any anger the girl might have had dissolved under Buck's almost teary gaze and she was immediately on the floor beside him. "No, I'm not mad. Accidents happen. I know you didn't mean to."

Rita left the two of them and quickly found Ida still searching for her son. Catching Ida's eye, Rita gave a slight nod toward her room. Sighing, Ida mouthed a thank you to her boss as she went by.

The past few years had gone by faster than Ida could have ever imagined and, as she had suspected, there were challenges. But surprisingly, most of these hadn't come in the way she'd expected. Ida had assumed that caring for an infant would be a daunting task, and it had been, but it had proven to be the least difficult part of raising a child. Living in a house full of woman had its advantages and when Buck had been a baby there had always been someone willing to look after him when his mother had needed a break and as he'd grown that hadn't changed; Buck, however, had.

There wasn't a girl at the Palace including Rita who wasn't wrapped around Buck's finger, but the older he'd gotten the less Buck had consented to being looked after and before long he had become an expert at slipping away from whoever had charge over him and finding ways to amuse himself. It was at that point that Ida had encountered her first real problem. There were things that went on at the Palace that Buck was far too young to understand, things Ida didn't want to have to try and explain just yet. She wanted Buck to be shielded from the rather sordid aspects of brothels as long as he could but unfortunately, Buck wasn't always good about doing exactly what he was told.

As she entered Rita's room, Ida saw Buck sitting on the floor with Jeanie. The girl's arms were wrapped protectively around him, but she got to her feet when she saw Ida. Buck also jumped up, clutching Jeanie's skirts. Ida stopped a few feet from them and crossed her arms. "You have some explaining to do young man."

"I didn't mean to."

Ida assumed he was talking about the perfume but that wasn't what was concerning her the most at the moment. "And what were you doing in the back?" Ida asked kneeling down to his level.

Buck bit his lip. "Ummmm..."

"That's what I thought. Buck, how many times have I told you're not to go back there?"

"A lot." Buck offered.

Ida's face became stern and Buck looked to Jeanie for help trying to move closer to her. The younger woman put her arm around him again. "Ida, please don't be mad at him. It was an accident." Buck smiled his appreciation at her defense.

"An accident that wouldn't have happened if someone had been doing what they were supposed to be doing." Ida told her. The second problem Ida had discovered was how hard it was to maintain discipline when Buck had so many allies. Not that she could blame anyone for spoiling Buck, he was a charmer, and if she wasn't his mother she was sure she'd be as guilty of being just as lax with him as everyone else.

Jeanie looked to the boy clinging to her and back at Ida. "Please, Ida." She said quietly. "It doesn't matter. It was cheap anyway; more for the cowboys than me."

Buck meanwhile had latched on to Jeanie with both arms, guilt all over his face. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

Ida sighed as she looked between the pleading looks of her son and her young co-worker. After a moment she held out a hand to Buck. "Come here, Buck."

"Where are we going?" Buck asked, taking a few very small, timid steps in her direction.

"Back to our room. I want to talk you." Buck became even more miserable looking, if that were possible, but Ida was pleased that he obeyed.

Once they were back in their room Ida set down and pulled Buck on to her lap. "Buck I've told you many times not to go behind the bar haven't I?"

"Yes."

"Then why did you go back there? It makes me very unhappy when you do things I've told you not to do."

Buck suddenly looked as though she had just delivered devastating news to him. "I didn't mean to make you unhappy." He said, his eyes tearing up in earnest. "I just wanted to see. And I didn't mean to spill Miss Jeanie's perfume."

Ida held him tightly, resting her chin on the top of his head. Buck was a sensitive child, it was a trait she'd recognized in him very early, and it took so little for his young heart to break. And despite he's talent for finding trouble he did try his best to be good. "I'm not angry about the perfume. I know it was an accident, so does Jeanie. I'm upset because you were in the back."

The forbidden rooms would be enticing to a young boy, Ida understood that, and she believed Buck's remorse was real but she felt his disobedience needed to be addressed. She kissed the top of his head. "Buck." Buck looked up. "I told you not to go back there, didn't I?"

"Yes." Buck's voice was little more than a whisper.

"And you went anyway." Buck looked back down. "Because you disobeyed I don't want you to leave the room again today. You're to stay in here until bed tonight."

Buck grimaced. Having to stay in wouldn't make for a very fun afternoon. "But..."

"Buck."

Buck hears the warning in his mother's voice. "Yes, ma'am."

"I love you." Ida told him, giving him another hug.

"Love you."

She kissed his head. "I'm going out now. Remember, stay in the room."

Buck nodded as she set him on the bed. She was almost out the door when Buck stopped her. "What about supper?"

Ida turned, almost amused by the look of horror on Buck's face. "I'll bring you something before bed, all right?"

"All right." After answering Buck heaved a sigh and flopped back on the bed to wait out what was sure to be a very long and dull afternoon.

Ida smiled as she turned away. Words couldn't begin to express how much she loved Buck. He was often a handful but he was the single best thing in her life.

**A/N: It's been nearly three weeks since I published this story and I sorry for the wait on the update. Soon after getting this story up my muse went AWOL, which was extremely frustrating because the last of weeks I've had tons of time to write and inspiration. It did give me the chance to go back and re-watch the entire series though. Anyway, she seems to be back and hopefully she'll stick around for a while. Thanks for reading, reviews are appreciated. If there's anything you want to see let me know and I'll do by best to work it in.**


	4. Deputy Parker

Buck strode down the boardwalk with absolute purpose. Today, Mama was letting him go to general store all by himself to pick up a package for Miss Rita, and it was a job he was taking very seriously. The Miller's store was only a few streets over, and he'd been lots of times, but this was the first time he'd been allowed to go alone and he was determined to fulfill his duty perfectly. Not just because he wanted to impress Miss Rita but also to show Mama that six, in eight days, was plenty big enough to things on his own.

For his entire walk Buck never strayed from the boardwalk, he didn't even talk to anyone unless they spoke to him first. Normally if he'd been out playing or even if he'd been out with Mama would have wanted to walk through the alleys or make several stops en route, but he didn't do that today. Mama had been very plain before he left that he was to go to the store and come right back home without making any stops in between and Buck had already made up his mind that today he would obey to the letter.

Arriving at the general store, Buck pushed through the door and went up to the front counter. "Good afternoon, Mr. Miller."

Mr. Miller smiled down at Buck. "Afternoon, Buck. What can I do for you today?"

Buck had known Mr. Miller his entire life and he liked coming to his store, although the licorice the man always gave him probably had as much to do with Buck's fondness for this this store as the man himself. "Miss Rita sent me to get a package for her." He told the store owner, standing as tall as he could and trying to sound grown up, even though he could barely see over the counter.

"All righty. I don't see your mother today. Did you come alone?"

"Yes, Sir." Buck answered proudly. "I'm six now, almost, so Mama let me come by myself."

The man chuckled. "Well, six is close to grown I reckon. Rita's package is in the back. Just a minute." Before going into the back room the store owner took the jar of licorice from the counter and offered it to Buck, who gladly accepted the candy with a grin. As the storekeeper disappeared into the back Buck leaned against the counter, contentedly chewing on the confection.

It didn't take long for Mr. Miller to reappear carrying two packages. Buck wasn't quite done with his candy but shoved the rest of it in his month when he saw the man. He wasn't loafing today, even to finish the licorice. Mama had told him to come straight home, so as soon as Mr. Miller gave him the package he was leaving. Miller walked around the counter studying the two wrapped parcels and finally handed the smaller one to Buck.

"There was one for Lilly back there as well, but as you're here be yourself today I guess it will wait." He said, setting the larger one aside.

Buck hastily chewed the remaining licorice as he eyed the other parcel thoughtfully. It wasn't that big. And it wasn't that far back home. "I can get it." He declared after swallowing.

The store owner looked up from where he'd been writing and raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? That's an armload to carry back."

Buck nodded emphatically. "I'm sure. I can do it. It's not too far back home."

Smiling the man retrieved the other bundle and passed it to Buck. "Are you sure you can carry them all the way home?" He asked, watching Buck struggle with the load for the smallest bit.

Neither package was heavy but carrying both of them was a bit awkward and it took Buck a moment to get settled. Still, he was determined he would deliver them both. "I'm sure." He affirmed with a smile.

"Well, one of the marks of a fine man is that he does more work than is expected of him." The older man said as he opened the door for his young patron.

"Good-bye, Mr. Miller. Thank you!" Buck called as he started back down the boardwalk towards home.

If Buck had been intent on his walk to the store he was even more so on the way home. He now had parcels for both Miss Rita and Lilly and it was a responsibility he didn't take lightly. He also now had to keep hold of his deliveries which wasn't a simple thing for the young boy. The problem was he was so focused on getting home that he was caught off guard when one of the shop doors suddenly swung out and a burly man darted out promptly colliding with Buck.

Buck stumbled back with a grunt as he hit the large man causing both him and the packages to fall to the boardwalk. He looked up, about to protest when his words were cut off by a glare from the bearded, heavy-set man, a boat or a dock worker, river rats some of the girls called them, by the looks of him. "Why don't you watch were you're going, whelp?" The man demanded.

Buck stared up at the imposing man with wide eyes. "I'm sorry." He hadn't done anything wrong but the apology came automatically as the man glowered down at him.

"Stupid kids." The man huffed. He had turned to stalk off when another voice joined their discussion.

"You make knocking kids to the ground a daily habit, mister?"

Buck slowly got to his feet, keeping his eyes on the newcomer. He was younger and cleaner than the dock worker. Clean shaven and dressed nicer too, he looked more like a man who might come to the Palace than a river rat.

The big man sighed heavily and aimed his glare at the newcomer. "He yours?"

The younger man shook his head. "No."

"Then it ain't none of your concern." The river rat shot back.

"Oh, I think is." The man on the street said quietly. He sifted ever so slightly and suddenly the expression on the other's face changed.

"No need to get worked up over it." The rat's tone was now far more amiable. "I mean accidents happen, don't they? Didn't mean nothing by it. 'Sides he's all right, ain't you kid?"

Buck looked between the two men who were both watching him intently. Buck nodded slightly and then focused hard on the newcomer trying to spot whatever it was that had made the river rat so accommodating. He couldn't see anything.

"Now" The newcomer continued. "I realize you're probably a very busy man with a lot to do but I think you could at least take time to apologize to the boy."

"Sorry, kid." The burly man mumbled.

"Hope you didn't strain yourself too much. Now move along."

As the man made a quick getaway, Buck's rescuer came over and picked up the packages that had been dropped earlier. "You all right, boy?"

"Uh-huh. I'm fine."

"Hope you don't have a lot of those encounters."

"Nope. Most people like me."

The man laughed. "I'm sure they do."

He looked down at the burden Buck had been carrying. "This is quite a load for a boy your size."

"I can do it." Buck replied, slightly offended. "I'm already six and I'm not so small. I'm gonna be going to school soon."

"Is that a fact? Well, I reckon you're a pretty good size for six at that."

Grinning Buck stuck his hand out to the man. "My name's Buck Wilmington."

"John Parker. It's a pleasure, Buck." He reached for Buck's hand, but instead of shaking it he turned it palm up. "You sure you're all right?"

Buck looked down and saw the large abrasion on his palm for the first time as Parker began to gently examine his hand. Now that he was aware of it, it was starting to string a little bit but Buck stood quietly until the man found a particularly tender spot. Hissing Buck tried to jerk his hand back.

Parker winched at the boy's reaction. "Sorry 'bout that. Looks like you got a splinter in there." He said, releasing Buck's hand.

Buck took to studying his hand trying to see the splinter Parker had found. He ran his thumb along his palm, wincing when he felt the sliver of wood embedded in it. "Why don't you come over to my office and let me clean that up for you." Parker suggested.

"What office?"

"The sheriff's office."

Buck's eyes narrowed. "You're not the sheriff." Mr. Cranford was the sheriff and Buck had heard enough about Mr. Cranford from the girls at home to know this was't him.

"No, I'm not. I'm a deputy.

Buck had never met a deputy before. "Is that why that river rat turned tail?"

Parker laughed. "I guess if you call that turning tail. You want to get that hand cleaned up?"

Buck shrugged. "I suppose so."

* * *

Several minutes later Buck was perched tensely on a desk in the sheriff's office while Parker stood over his hand, extracting the splinter as gently as he could.

"Ow!" Buck cried, feeling the needle poke him again.

"Sorry." It wasn't the first time the apology had been made. "You know, it probably wouldn't hurt as much if you didn't look at it." Parker muttered, shifting some so Buck's view was mostly blocked.

Buck knew that was probably true, at least that's what Mama told him every time she had to doctor him but he just couldn't keep his eyes off what the man was doing. Craning his neck Buck looked around Parker's shoulder and bite down on his bottom lip, whimpering only a little bit when he felt the needle again.

Soon Parker relaxed his grip on Buck's wrist and held up the tiny piece of wood that had been the problem. "Sorry if I hurt you, son, but I couldn't leave it in there."

Buck didn't mind, now that the ordeal was over. "That's all right. You were almost as good as Mama. And lots better than Rose."

Parker didn't know who Rose was but it sounded like a compliment. "That's gratifying. Let me put some of this on there and it will almost be as good as new."

Buck gave the bottle the deputy held a wary look. Whatever was in that bottle would sting. The stuff in bottles always did, but Buck begrudgingly held his hand out anyway.

"This is gonna hurt a little bit."

"Mama blows on it." Buck told the man hastily.

Parker paused. "Huh?"

"When it stings, Mama blows on it."

Parker nodded. Taking a rag he dabbed at Buck's small injury. Once again he was as easy as he could be but he still felt Buck tense as soon the antiseptic touched the abrasion. Hearing another whimper escape, Parker began to blow on the boy's palm, stopping only when he sensed Buck relax some. "Feel better?"

Buck nodded with a smile. "Yes, sir."

Returning the smile, Parker starting to pick up the supplies he'd used to patch Buck up and put them away.

"Is this Mr. Cranford's desk?" Buck asked.

"It is."

"Do you think he's as useless as tits on a boar hog?"

Parker started at the choice of words and turned back to the boy. "What? Where'd you hear talk like that?"

"That's what Miss Liza says about him. And Jeanie says he couldn't tell his rear end from a hole in the ground if he had two tries." Most of what Buck had heard the girls say about the sheriff wasn't very flattering.

Parker did his best not to smile. This kid was a card and he had some pretty accurate descriptions of the sheriff but Parker wasn't sure he should encourage Buck's phraseology. "Well, maybe you shouldn't repeat any of that. Not sure everyone would appreciate the comparisons."

"Yes, sir."

Parker went back to his task, still trying to fight back a grin at Buck's unintentional, but very fitting, slurs against his boss when he heard Buck gasp.

"I have to go!" Buck cried, jumping down from the desk. "Mama said I had to come right back home after I saw Mr. Miller, and that I couldn't make any stops." He looked to Parker, distress plain in his blue eyes. "And now she's probably worried and she won't want let me go to the store alone anymore."

"If you tell her want happened I'm sure she'll understand." Parker told him, trying to calm him down.

"She doesn't always think I'm telling the truth." Buck sighed.

One of Parker's eyebrows went up. "_Do_ you always tell the truth?"

"Yes. Well, most of the time I always tell the truth."

Parker snorted a laugh. "How about if walk home with you. If she doesn't believe you I can vouch for you."

"What's vouch mean?"

"It means I'll tell her you're telling the truth."

Buck flashed an infectious grin, all worry vanishing from his face. "She'll have to believe a deputy won't she?."

Buck kept up a steady stream of conversation as he and Parker they made their way toward the Palace. He only stopped his chattering when Parker put a hand to his shoulder.

"Where do you live, Buck?" As they had walked Parker had started to notice they were entering the rather unsavory said of town and that almost every building they passed was some kind of saloon or dance hall. When they passed the first building with red-glassed lanterns hanging out in front, he really started to wonder about their location. The boy must have gotten turned around when they'd left the sheriff's office.

"Down there." Buck said, pointing down the street.

"You live on this street?" Buck nodded. "Are you sure?"

Buck looked around at the familiar buildings he walked by countless time in his life. "Yes, sir. We're almost there."

"Buck, I uhhh, I don't think there is anything but saloons on this street."

Buck nodded again. "That's right. We live at the Palace."

"The Palace?" Parker asked, unable to hide his surprise. He was fairly new in town, only arriving about four months ago, and was still learning all the ins and outs of the town but he'd heard of the Palace. From what he'd picked up since he'd started wearing a badge a few weeks ago, the Crystal Palace was not the average brothel. The price for a girl there was high, some of them ridiculously so, and if a girl there decided she didn't want a particular man, odds were good that he wouldn't get her. Something that was unheard of in your run-of-the-mill whorehouse. Still, while the Palace was a high end brothel, it was still a brothel and Buck lived there. Than again, a lot of things Buck had said today, like the many women he'd made mention of and his somewhat crass descriptions about the sheriff made a lot more sense in light of this new knowledge.

"Well, actually it's the Crystal Palace but everybody calls it the Palace." Buck stated very matter-of-factly.

Parker looked down at the boy who was gazing up at him innocently and swallowed back his shock. He doubted Buck was old enough to understand that his life was radically different than most children and Parker sure wasn't going to be the one to tell him otherwise. "Well," He said with a smile. "Let's get you home."

Buck needed no farther encouragement. "Come on, Mr. Parker." He more or less ran the rest of the way home.

* * *

Ida was anxiously waiting in the barroom. Buck had been gone too long and she had feared sending him off after Rita's package alone would end up like this. He had promised to return home as soon as he finished at the store and although his promise had been made with absolute sincerity Buck was so easily distracted by things. There was no telling what had happened between here and the Miller's store to make Buck forget about his pledge. Ida gave the clock across the room a worried glace. If he wasn't back in five minutes and then she was going to look for him.

Just then she heard the door slam. "Mama!"

Jumping up she ran into the foyer. "Buck, are you all right?" She asked, worry crowding out anger. At least until she assured herself he was in one piece.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Then where have you been? I told you to go straight to the store and come straight back."

"I did. Well, I tried to. It wasn't my fault."

"That's the truth, Ma'am."

Ida noticed the man who had come in with Buck for the first time. "And you are?"

"This is Mr. Parker." Buck supplied. "He's here to…what are you gonna do for me?"

Parker chuckled. "Vouch for you."

"Yeah, he's gonna vouch for me 'cause I told him you might not believe me."

"I might not believe what?" Ida looked between her son and Parker waiting for one of them to expound on what had happened to delay Buck.

"I was coming home like I was supposed to and this River Rat knocked me down." Buck held up his skinned palm as proof.

"Knocked you down!?" Ida was immediately on her knees studying Buck's hand.

"It was unintentional but he wasn't exactly civilized about trying to make amends." Parker added.

"But Mr. Parker made him apologize and then he took care of my hand. There was a splinter in it too but he got it out. That's why I was late."

Ida looked at Buck's hand closely. It seemed his mysterious new friend had done a thorough job of cleaning it. "Well, in that case, I'm certainly grateful to Mr. Parker for his help." Getting to her feet once more Ida gave the man a smile which he returned with a nod. "Buck, I'd like a word with Mr. Parker. Why don't take Rita's package to her. She's been waiting for it."

"I got one for Lilly too."

"I'm sure she'll be glad to heat that."

Parker handed the parcels to Buck who ran off, eager to finish the job he'd started earlier. Ida smiled as she watched him hurry off then turned her attention back to Parker. "I'm afraid we haven't been properly introduced. Ida Wilmington." She offered her hand which Parker kissed lightly, momentary unsettling her. It had been some time since Ida had met a man with manners like that.

"John Parker. It's a pleasure, Miss Wilmington."

"I want you to know I'm truly grateful for any help you gave him today, Mr. Parker."

"John. And it wasn't anything much, just doing my job."

"Your job?"

"Yes, Ma'am. _Deputy_ John Parker."

"Ah, that answers few questions. I hope he didn't cause you any trouble today. He can be something of a handful."

"Not at all. He made for entertaining company."

"He's certainly that."

An awkward silence fell between them and Ida wondered where the conversation should go. She was saved from having to force things when Parker cleared his throat. "I should probably be moving on. It was a pleasure, Ma'am."

"The pleasure was mine. Thank you, again."

"Anytime. Would you mind telling Buck good-bye for me?"

"Of course."

With a final nod Parker left. Ida stood in the foyer a moment contemplating the man who had just left and marveling at the fact that in the five minutes he'd been with her he hadn't directed any leers or innuendos her way. Definitely the type of man she didn't meet often. Smiling she returned to the barroom.

It wasn't long before Buck joined her. "Did you get your deliveries made?" Buck nodded once and Ida couldn't help but notice he seemed serious all of a sudden. "How's your hand?"

"Fine." He said, holding it out for her to see again. "I like Mr. Parker." He told her while see looked at his hand. "Do you?"

"Well, we don't really know Mr. Parker, Buck, we've only just met him. But he seems like a nice man."

"Do you think we'll ever see him again?"

"I'm sure we will, sooner or later."

At those words Buck almost immediately brightened. "That's Good. Can I go play?"

"As long as you're back in time for supper."

Buck was off like a flash again. Ida sighed as she watched him go. He had liked the man. So much so that he'd been upset by the thought of not seeing him again and that Ida's mere words of affirmation that she thought another meeting would take place that had cheered him. She only hoped that meeting Deputy John Parker today wouldn't be the cause of any problems down the road.

**A/N: So sorry for the delay. This chapter did not want to be written :/ Hope you enjoy, feel free to tell me what you think. Thanks for reading and a big thanks to those who reveiwed the last chapter. One final thing, when I started writing this story I had planned on it taking place in Kansas but after some planning I've decided to shift east just a bit to Missouri and I'll be doing some reediting to fix any previous references I have made to Kansas. **


	5. Tough Questions part 1

For the Wilmington's the summer came and passed without any great incidents. Life for Ida and Buck went on in much the same way that it had for the past six years, until it was time for Buck to begin school. The problem with school was that it wasn't an idea that Buck found particularly appealing. He liked the way things had always been just fine and saw no reason for anything to change. The thought of having to give up his days of, more or less, absolute freedom so he could spend several hours of every day inside a schoolhouse was one that made no sense to Buck and he'd informed Ida of this after his first day. Unfortunately for him, the adults in his life didn't follow his reasoning and he'd had to go back the next day. By the end of the first week, Buck was convinced he'd learned all he would ever need to know and once again made an appeal to be allowed to give up on his schooling. That attempt hadn't been met with any more success than his first one had. However, by the end of the second week Buck had become mostly adjusted to his new routine and his protests about attending all but ended.

The teacher, Mr. Ludlow, was a skinny, thin-faced man who talked through his nose but Buck liked him well enough, and he thought Mr. Ludlow liked him too. He hadn't been yelled at like most of the other boys had anyway, which Buck considered an accomplishment. He was doing fairly well on his lessons too. He understood most of the first time they were explained and Mr. Ludlow had even complimented him on how neat his writing already was. As for the other pupils, Buck had no complaints. Most of the older boys treated him with indifference, which Buck really didn't mind, and the girls, both the older ones and the ones his own age, loved him. All in all things were going well for him, until one day, without any noticeable cause; his protests had started once more.

One morning Buck got up early and crawled into his mother's bed. "Do I have to go to school today?" He asked, snuggling up next to her.

"Buck." Ida sighed. School had been in session a little over a month now and everyday for the past week Buck had asked that question. In the beginning she hadn't given much thought to Buck's dislike school. Naturally, the change from spending his days playing to having to attend lessons was an adjustment but she was beginning to think that this time there was more to it than that, especially since things had been going so well for him just a couple of weeks ago. "Why don't you want to go? Are you having problems?" It wasn't the first time she'd asked him the question.

"No. I just don't need to go." It wasn't the first time Buck had given that response either.

"You know you can tell me anything, don't you? If something's bothering you I'd like to know what it is."

Buck looked at her for several long seconds before sliding off the bed without saying anything else. Ida was now certain something wrong. Buck had always had a cherry disposition and seeing him so quiet now was concerning. Sliding out of the bed, Ida went over to her son. "Buck, are you sure there's nothing you want to tell me?"

Buck nodded slowly, his blue eyes serious. Turning away he started to get dressed.

Ida watched him sadly, her heart heavy. She didn't like Buck's silence but if he wasn't ready to talk she wouldn't force him. Not yet, anyway.

Ida had been hoping that things would begin improve for Buck again but after two more days he seemed more withdrawn and sullen than ever. She had almost decided that it was time to force Buck to talk to her. It wasn't what she wanted to do, she would much rather him open up on his own, but she knew he couldn't continue the way he was. That night as she tucked him in she made one last appeal to get him to talk. Once again Buck mumbled that nothing was wrong. As Ida kissed his head she made up her mind that tomorrow she would have to make Buck talk. It still wasn't an idea she liked but leaving him to suffer in silence wasn't an option.

* * *

"Mama?"

Ida was pulled from her sleep by a pitiful sounding voice that immediately had her on the alert. "Buck? What's wrong?" She could just make out the outline of Buck as he stood by the bed.

"I don't feel good." He muttered, crawling up into the bed next to her.

Ida put a hand to his head. "How do you not feel good?" She asked after she didn't find him feverish.

"My tummy hurts."

"Do you feel like you're going to be sick?" Ida asked, hoping that wasn't the case. She hated to see her baby sick.

"I don't know. Yes."

Easing herself away from Buck, Ida lit the lamp by her bed and retrieved the chamber pot in case Buck needed it before snuggling back up with him. "How long have you felt bad?" Buck just shrugged. Ida grimaced and pulled him closer.

For several minutes they set in silence, and then Buck spoke up. "Why don't I have a pa?"

Ida was stunned speechless for a moment. She hadn't been expecting that. Ida had known the question would come one day and she thought long and hard about how to answer it, only she'd never been able to come up with an answer that sounded good. "What do you mean?" She asked after finding her voice.

"Why don't I have a pa? Everybody at school does. Except the Raines, their papa's dead. Is my pa dead?"

Ida suddenly had the feeling she knew what some of Buck's problems at school were about. "You do have one." She finally answered slowly. "He just doesn't live with us."

"Why?"

"Because, we didn't know each other very long and he thought he would be happier living somewhere else."

Buck took a moment to digest that. "Why doesn't anyone else's pa live somewhere else?"

Ida leaned her head over on Buck's wondering how she could explain the situation to him. At this point in time Buck couldn't understand all the details of her and Jack's relationship or the fact that they were better off without him around. "I don't know, Buck. I don't know how their families are. What I do know," She said lightening her voice. "Is that I love you very, very much. And I'm very happy I get to be your mama."

"Is he ever gonna come back?"

"I don't know, Sweetheart." She hoped not. Not that she could, or would, tell Buck that.

"What's his name?"

Ida softly sighed, ready for this discussion to end. Besides she couldn't see how it would hurt to tell Buck a little something. "His name is Jack."

"Jack." Buck smiled as he leaned against her again, feeling pleased. Now he could go to school and tell Matt Patterson that he _did_ have a pa.

Ida watched Buck, noting that he looked far less ill than he had just a little while ago. "Do you still feel sick?"

Buck shook his head. "No."

That answer only served to confirm her suspicions about Buck's trouble at school. "Buck, have you been having difficulties at school because your father doesn't live with us?" Buck started to fiddle with the blanket. "Buck?"

"Well, Matt said everybody's supposed to have a pa but then Maggie told him everybody don't, she don't 'cause he died, but I do have a pa so it's alright now."

"Is that all?"

Buck seemed to think about her question just a little too long. "Yes."

"Are you sure?"

Again there was a brief hesitation before Buck nodded. "Yes."

Ida wasn't satisfied but as he had told her _something_ and seemed more ease, she decided to hold off on pressing the issue.

By the time Buck left that morning, Ida was relieved to see that he seemed in better spirits than he had in weeks. Seeing him rush out the door with a smile on his face gave her hope that her easy-going little boy was returning to his care free self and as a result Ida also found herself feeling less anxious. But she did still felt a bit of apprehension about how things would go for him while at school and she looked forward to seeing him come home that afternoon, only Buck didn't return at his usual time. Ida wasn't terribly concerned at first, there was always the possibility of Buck being distracted by something or other on his way home, but after more than an hour without any sign of him worry began to set in.

Everyone in the saloons and dance halls around the Crystal Palace knew Buck and after that first hour Ida started to ask around. After receiving negative answers to all her inquiries her anxiety started to grow. Still she tried to maintain a positive attitude. Just because Buck was late didn't mean anything was wrong, but as sullen as he had been lately Ida found that she couldn't quite shake the disastrous thoughts that kept coming to mind. And by dusk, with still no sign of him, panic had set in and the sheriff was sent for.

* * *

Ida was in the kitchen with Rita, nearly hysterical, as they waited for the sheriff. Ida could tell the madam was just as worried as she was but thankful the older woman was able to keep things a bit more. "What could have happened to him?"

Rita squeezed her hand. "I'm sure he's fine."

"But shouldn't we be doing something? We're just sitting here and…" Ida stopped as a sob broke through.

"Ida, you've done everything you can so far. Now as soon as the sheriff gets here…"

"As though the man has done any real sheriff's work since he's been in office."

"We'll find him, Ida. One way or the other, we will find him. Knowing Buck he's hiding somewhere too afraid to come home now that he's been gone this long."

Ida tried to smile. She had thought about similar scenarios all afternoon and even though she was almost eaten up with worry she hoped it was something that simple.

Just then the door to the kitchen opened and Liza stepped in. "Ida, the sheriff's here."

Ida whirled around but instead of Sheriff Cranford, it was Deputy Parker with the girl. Ida felt a wave of relief come over her. She hadn't seen much of the man since Buck's run in with the river rat, only a few brief meetings around town, but that one incident alone had been enough to show her the man's abilities as a lawman far surpassed those of Cranford's.

Parker removed his hat. "Miss Wilmington. Miss Evens tells me you got a problem with your boy."

"He didn't come home from school today! I've asked around to everyone I could think of. No one seen him and…" Ida could feel her hysteria rising again.

"Alright just try to relax." Taking her arm Parker led her over to the small table. "You have a seat and tell me about it."

Ida blew out a shuddering breath and tried to collect her thoughts as the man took the chair opposite her. "I know you're probably thinking something terrible has happened but chances are he just ran off somewhere." Parker continued. "Has he been acting unusual lately, given any indication he might what to try and get away for a while?"

"I think he's been having some trouble at school. He hasn't told me anything but he hasn't wanted to go the last several days. But he seemed better today. Why would he run off!?" Tears sprung back to her eyes. She was a terrible mother. She should have something was wrong. She should have done more to find out what had been bothering Buck.

"Miss Wilmington, sometimes there's not a lot of accounting for what a boy does. I remember running off a couple of times myself for no good reason." He gave her a smile but his words were of little comfort to Ida. "You said you've talked to most of the folks around here?"

Ida nodded warily. "Yes, all the saloons, the store, no one had seen him."

"Alright is there anywhere he likes to go? Maybe someplace he likes to be by himself?"

"No I don't think so. He…" Ida stopped suddenly earning her curious looks from Rita and the deputy. "The river. He's always liked to go to the river. We go over there often and he not supposed to go by himself but…oh, God, please." She jerked her gaze to Rita. "What if something has happened?"

Rita took her hand again. "Ida, don't start thinking like that. He's a smart kid."

Parker jumped up. "Miss Wilmington, Miss Monroe, please excuse me."

"Where are you going?" Rita asked.

"The river. It's as good a place as any to start."

**A/N: First: I'm so sorry about the long wait between updates. Things have been kind of crazy for me the last couple of weeks but hopefully they'll start to slow down some and I can do better. Secondly: As I was revising this chapter I realized it was really long so I'm posting it in two parts. Part two will be posted either tomorrow (or latter today really as it's 1 a.m. here) or the next day. Thanks for sticking with me and I hope it was worth the wait. As always, thank you for reading, your continued support is what keeps me writing, and reviews are welcome, helpful, and appreciated. **


	6. Tough Questions part 2

Buck didn't know what time it was and he didn't know where he was. All he knew was he was tried, cold, hungry, and ready for someone to find him. He hadn't meant to end up lost; that was just the way it had happened and right now he wished he could just go home.

Today hadn't been a good day for him, despite the way it had started. Matt Patterson had found new ways of being particularly mean today and by the time school was over Buck hadn't really wanted to go straight home so he'd come down to the river instead. He wasn't supposed to come down here alone but as he hadn't planned to get very near the water he'd decided it would be okay just this once. And as it turned out he hadn't got close to the water at all. By the time he'd made the walk, the woods bordering the river had looked far more interesting to him, so he'd started to explore. The next thing he'd known, it was getting dark and he wasn't sure how to get back out.

At first he'd tried to find his way. He'd looked for any paths or trails that might be around but he hadn't been able to find any signs at all. Finally deciding that wouldn't work he'd just started walking, hoping to find something. He'd walked until it had gotten too dark to see then he'd just set down. Now he set huddled at the base of a tree, dejected and alone. This afternoon he wasn't sure he'd wanted to go home, but now he wished more than anything that's where he was.

As he set there Buck tried to forget about the fact it was getting cooler out, and the fact that he hadn't had any supper and that it was dark, he thought about Mama instead. Did she miss him yet? Would she be very mad when he saw her again? Would he see her again? Would anyone look for him or would he be out here forever? What if he died out here? And all those questions lead him straight back to today's encounter with Matt Patterson.

Matt Patterson hadn't started school when everyone else had, he had been sick or something, but from the moment he walked through the door of the little schoolhouse two weeks ago, the boy had seemed intent on making Buck's life miserable. It hadn't taken he long to find out that Ida worked at the Crystal Palace and the moment he had, his torment of Buck had became relentless.

Matt's favorite way of making Buck suffer came from pointing out at every possible chance that Buck didn't have a daddy. This had been a pretty effective method until the day Maggie Raines had stood up for him because she didn't have a daddy either. Buck had been grateful for what the girl had done but it had only deterred Matt a little. Today, however, he had thought that today he was going to shut Matt up once and for all by telling him what Mama had said about his pa, which he had proudly done during morning recess and to Buck's immense relief it had worked. Until Lunch anyway. That was when Matt had come up with a new way to strike out at Buck with a single word Buck had never heard before, bastard.

Tears filled Buck's eyes as he thought back to what Matt had said today, the words that had driven him out here in the first place. He wondered if what the boy had said was true. Did Mama really not want him? Would she be glad if he never came back? As much as he wanted to go home he didn't want to go if Mama didn't want him there.

Buck had just about decided that no one was going to come looking for him and he'd likely have to spend the rest of his life here when he thought he heard someone call his name. He jerked his head up wondering who it was. It wasn't Mama. "I'm here." He answered when the voice called out again.

"Buck?"

The voice was getting closer and Buck jumped to his feet. "Over here."

The exchange occurred once or twice more before Buck saw a horse and rider emerging out of the darkness, and a man Buck finally recognized as Deputy Parker dismounted. "Buck, what are you doing out here?"

Buck rushed from his spot by the tree and threw his arms around the man. Somebody had missed him. "I didn't think anybody would ever find me."

When Buck released him, Parker knelt down, removing his jacket as he did so. "What were you doing?" He asked again, wrapping the jacket around Buck's shoulders. "Your mama's been worried sick about you. Afraid something happened to you."

"I didn't mean to get lost." Buck told him earnestly. "I – I just didn't want to have to go home right away, so I came here and then I couldn't get back and I thought I was gonna have to stay out here."

"Alright. It's alright. I'm going to get you back home and everything will be okay."

Matt's words suddenly came back to Buck. And going back home would mean he would have to go to school again tomorrow. "I don't want to go back." Buck mumbled, taking a step back.

"Back where? Home?" Parker inquired in confusion. Granted he didn't know Ms. Wilmington that well but he had always been under the impression she and Buck had a very good relationship. They had always seemed very happy when he'd seen them together; he couldn't imagine Buck not wanting to return to her.

"No. I don't want…" Buck stopped and looked away. He did want to go home, if Mama really wanted him that was. But he didn't want to go back to school; or rather he didn't want to see Matt Patterson again.

"Buck, what's going on?"

"Nothin'." Tears started to come to his eyes again.

Buck started to turn away but Parker stopped him with a hand on his sleeve. "Buck, is there something you need to tell me?

Buck opened his mouth and quickly closed it again, giving a slight shake of his head.

Buck silence was causing a very uneasy feeling to grow in Parker. "Has anything ever happened at home? Anyone ever hurt you? Your mama or one of the girls?" It almost turned Parker's stomach to even ask the question. The woman he'd left a little while ago had been a nervous wreck; she didn't strike him as the kind to abuse a child but if the boy was having trouble at home someone needed to know about it.

"What do you mean?"

There was innocence in that question, enough to tell Parker that he'd been dead wrong. "Well, what I meant was has she ever gotten angry and hit you or something like that."

"Like a spanking?"

"No. More like slapping."

"That's not nice to say!"

"You're right." Parker told him sincerely. "It's not nice to say and I'm sorry, but I had to ask. Sometimes mas and pas ain't as nice to their boys as your mama is you."

"My mama wouldn't do that." Buck said, still looking at him skeptically.

"I know. I'm sorry I asked. Your mama's a fine woman. Who, I might add, is very concerned about you. Are you ready to go home now?"

Any remaining anger that had been in Buck after the slight to his mother vanished, turmoil taking its place. "She's gonna me go back."

"Back where?" Parker couldn't help but be confused by the boy's ever shifting emotions.

"To school."

"That's because she cares about you, Buck. Schooling important. You don't want to grow up ignorant do you?"

"No, sir. But I don't want to go to school neither."

"Why is that?" Ida had said something about Buck having some trouble, and there had to be an underlying reason for Buck's moodiness. Surely just attending lessons didn't have him this worked up. Seeing Buck shift uncomfortably again, Parker tried a different approach. "You know, Buck, part of being a deputy is helping folks with their problems. If you tell me about it I might be able to help you."

"If I tell you, will you promise not to tell Mama?" Buck asked.

"I'm sorry, Buck. I can't do that. I can't keep it a secret if it's something your Mama needs to know."

Buck looked away.

"But I'll make a deal with you." Parker added. It was plain he wasn't going to get anything out of the boy without some kind of assurance. "I won't tell her unless I think it's important that she knows."

Sighing heavily Buck finally broke. "What's a bastard?"

Parker cleared his throat. "Where did you hear that?"

The tears were back. "Today Matt Patterson said I was a bastard. He said nobody wants a bastard, which means Mama don't want me. And then he said mama don't really know my pa's name."

"Now, Buck, you know that ain't true. Your mama loves you a lot. She's been ate up with worry since you been gone, afraid something had happened to you. She can't wait for you to come home."

"Really?"

"Really. She's waiting for me to bring you back now."

Buck thought about that. "But does she know my pa's name?"

Parker thought carefully about his answer. Ida worked in a brothel, maybe she knew who had fathered her child and maybe she didn't, but it wasn't his place to make a claim to Buck one way or the other. "What did your mama tell you?"

"She said his name was Jack."

"Has she ever lied to you before?"

Buck wiped at his eyes. "No, sir."

Parker smiled. "Alright, then I suggest you listen to your mama and you don't pay any attention to what Matt Patterson says. And don't you ever believe for a second your mama doesn't want you. She wants you more than anything, and right now she's missing you a lot."

The faintest of smiles came to Buck's face. "I guess we should go home than, huh?"

Parker nodded. "I think so."

* * *

Buck was quiet for most of the ride back to the Crystal Palace, too worn out physically and emotionally to keep up his normal chatter with the deputy. He perked up some once he was back with his mother, especially once he saw she was glad to see him, but his exhaustion was obvious and Ida soon took him upstairs to bed.

Ida couldn't begin to describe her relief as she tucked Buck in. The past few hours had been a living nightmare that she never wanted to have to go through again. She knew Buck was tried and she wasn't going to dig into all the particulars about exactly why he had run off, she wasn't feeling up to that talk yet herself, but she thought a couple of questions needed to be answered tonight. Buck still seemed a little uneasy and she wondered if it had more to do with the trouble he was afraid he was in or the reason he'd gone off to start with.

Sitting on the edge of his small bed, Ida began to rub his hair back. "You know you're not supposed to go to the river by yourself."

"I know."

"What were you doing there?" Ida sighed when a shrug was the only answer she received. "Buck, this is becoming a real problem. You have to tell me what's wrong."

Buck seemed to consider that, finally cutting his eyes away from her. "I went cause I didn't know if you wanted me or not."

Ida could hardly believe what she'd just heard. "You didn't know if I wanted you?" Buck nodded miserably. Reaching down she pulled him into a hug, her heart breaking at the earnestness she heard in the simple statement. "Buck, you're the best man in my life. Why wouldn't I want you?"

"Because I'm a bastard."

Ida jerked away, looking into his teary eyes in disbelief. "A…who told you that?

"A boy at school. He also said you didn't really know pa's name."

"Oh, Buck, that's not true. I want you very much. More than anything else in this world."

"Do you know pa's name?"

That was a topic Ida was more reluctant to discuss. "Yes, Buck. We talked about this. I told you about your father and I told why he doesn't live with us."

Buck smiled slightly. "That's what Mr. Parker told me."

"Did he? What exactly did he say?" She wasn't sure how she felt about the deputy talking with Buck about his father.

"That you really did want me to come home and you didn't lie about Daddy's name."

Ida's curiosity wasn't quite satisfied but the comments seemed innocent enough. "Well, he's absolutely right. Now, why don't you go to sleep? We'll talk about it more in the morning."

Buck snuggled back down in his bed, already looking like he was almost asleep.

Ida tucked the quilts back in around him. "I don't ever what you doubt that I want you or that I love you very much."

"Mama?" Buck mumbled sleepily.

"What?"

"Do I have to go to school tomorrow?"

Maybe it was the pure relief she felt at Buck being back where he belonged but Ida couldn't help but smile at the question. "No. I think you can stay home tomorrow."

Turning down the lamp Ida stood in the darkness for a moment just watching Buck; she didn't try to stop the few tears that escaped as she stood there. Finally telling herself once more that Buck was fine she quietly left the room. She wanted to talk to the deputy before he left and as he had already spent most of the night looking for Buck she didn't want to keep him any longer than necessary. The man had looked pretty worn out himself when he'd brought Buck home and she imagined he was more than ready to go back to wherever home was.

Ida's eyes were still bright with tears when she joined Parker in the again. "I'll never be able to thank you enough for finding him." She said, returning the jacket Buck had been wearing. "He means the world to me. I don't know what I'd do without him."

Parker shrugged. "I'm just glad I could do something. No mama should have to know what it feels like to lose her boy."

Ida smiled as she dried her eyes. "It's something I hope I never have to feel again."

"So do I." Parker nodded towards the stairs. "He's good kid. You should be proud of him."

"Thank you, I am. And while I admit I may be a bit prejudiced in the matter, I wholeheartedly agree with you."

"No. From what I've seen, you've done a fine job with him."

Ida felt a flush come to her face. It wasn't often she heard genuine sounding compliments. "I've done what I can."

"Miss Wilmington, I wonder if I could ask you something?"

Ida nodded her consent. "Of course. And it's just Ida."

"Ida. I uhh…I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds, but Buck's father…I know it's really none of my business…" Parker trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

"No it's not." Ida replied, bluntly. The man probably assumed Buck's father was unknown, which was an easy enough scenario to believe. Many of the girls who had come since Buck had been born believed the same thing and Ida was willing to let them. It was just easier. Sometimes she actually wished that were the case. Still, the man had done her two great favors concerning Buck and she supposed she could give some kind of answer. Although she wished this sudden obsession with Jack would die down sooner rather than later. "Buck's father…is not part of his life. He never has been, he never will be, and we are both better off for it."

Parker nodded slowly, carefully considering his next words. From what he had seen Buck had as good a mother as a boy could hope for but judging from his words tonight, the boy was looking for a father too. Even if he didn't know it. "I don't mean to offend you, ma'am, as I said you've done a mighty fine job, but if you should ever need a man for any reason, I want you to know you're free to call on me."

Ida raised her eyebrows. A man was the last thing she needed. "If I should ever need a man?"

A rather amusing, at least in Ida's opinion, blush colored the deputy's face. "For Buck." He hastily added. "If you ever need a man to take him hunting, fishing, just talk to him…" Clearing his throat Parker began studying the floor.

"You would do that?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

Ida thought about the man's offer. It was tempting. She did her best with Buck but as he had gotten older she had realized there were simply things she wasn't capable of teaching him. On the other hand, she hadn't known the deputy long and had only had a few actual conversations with the man, why should he be willing to offer her any assistance?

"And why should you be willing to do that, Mr. Parker?" Ida asked. She knew there was an edge to her voice but she couldn't help it. In her more than thirty years of life she hadn't had too much experience with people doing things solely out of the goodness of their hearts, particularly men, and in her line of work men often had ulterior motives.

"I think a boy deserves to have a man in his life. I don't mean any disrespect but there's only so much a woman can teach. Sometimes a boy just needs another boy."

"Then this is strictly in the interest of helping Buck?" That wasn't what she'd been expecting, but he looked sincere. Perhaps, for once, a man wasn't looking for anything else.

"Yes, Ma'am." Parker was starting to wonder if he'd made a mistake. After all, he really hadn't known either one that long, and he supposed Buck's upbringing really wasn't his concern.

Ida studied the man silently for a minute, trying to wrap her mind around the fact someone simply did want to help. "I'm sorry if I seemed short before. No one has ever been interested in Buck solely for Buck's sake. And my price is quite high."

"I understand, but I assure you, my offer had nothing to do with your price. As I said, he's a good kid."

"Then thank you, Mr. Parker. I'll keep that in mind."

"John. And please do, I did mean it."

"Thank you, John."

"You are quite welcome." Parker tipped his hat. "Goodnight. And tell Buck to try and stay out of trouble for a couple of days."

Ida chuckled. "I'll tell him but I wouldn't expect too much to come from it."

After John left Ida returned to her room, and found that Buck had made his way over to her bed. She smiled, it had been more than two years since Buck had moved to his own bed and he only sleep in hers on rare occasions. It seemed his ordeal tonight must have freighted him more than he originally wanted to admit, not that she would complain about having him close by tonight.

When she slipped into the bed Buck inched closer to her and for several minutes she lay there softly stroking his hair and thinking about the deputy's offer. From what she'd seen, John Parker was a good man, better than most she'd known it the past anyway, and she didn't think she would mind her son imitating a man like that. Perhaps she could call on him to spend some time with Buck; she didn't see how it could hurt anything anyway. And maybe a talk about staying out of trouble would have more of an impact coming from a man. Ida laughed softly, that part seemed unlikely. But, nothing would change tonight one way or the other, so she put Deputy Parker and his offer out of her mind content to just focus on her son for the time being.

**A/N: Finally getting it up. Enjoy :) Thanks for reading!**


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